Bad relationships are a waste of time. Find out if you are pouring your love and emotional energy into pointless relationships, or “watering dead flowers” and how to stop doing it.
Love is something we put a lot of our time and energy onto, and it’s supposed to give back the same amount to us. When you’re giving and the one you love just isn’t giving back, nothing is growing- it’s dead- like dead flowers. Join SpiritualBlossom to find out if you are doing that. Find out what it means when we say a relationship is a waste of time and some signs that is what is happening. Find out why we allow it and how to stop putting your time and energy someplace where love doesn’t grow. You wouldn’t care for a dead plant, so why care for a dead relationship? Read on to find out if you’re doing it and how to stop.
What is Wasted Time?
When somebody says time is wasted, it means they use their time doing something that was pointless. We have all tried to do things that we ended up hating. We have wasted time at jobs that we knew we should have quit before we did. We have wasted time doing nothing when we could have been using it to do something important. Sometimes we waste time on people and relationships that go nowhere. Wasted time is time we can never get back.
Some people don't believe there's any such thing as wasting time. They say bad situations can teach important lessons. They say things that supposedly waste our time change us in ways that we need to be changed. Unfortunately, when we waste our time on things and people that hurt us, it can change us in negative ways and it can take us a very long time to heal. That's time that you could have spent doing things that added to your growth or somehow made your life better again. We can never get wasted time back. The more patient you are the more forgiving of wasted time you will be. Read about becoming patient here: Learning the Fine Art of Patience
Why Say “Watering Dead Flowers?”
Some people say love is like a magnificent garden filled with flowers, trees, fruit, and a bounty of vegetables. Think of your favorite garden and how it supports life. Think of the plethora of life that thrives there. Birds, butterflies, bees, and small animals thrive there. It feeds the heart and soul and replenishes the body. Love is like that magical garden that is a source of life and nurturing.
Now imagine a dead garden. Nothing lives there because there is nothing to be there for. It doesn’t support anything and there is no hope it will get better. Love with someone who isn’t contributing is exactly the same as that dead garden. They say the grass is greener where you water it instead of elsewhere- but in relationships, you both have to “water the garden.” If your loved one is not helping to cultivate the garden, it’s as good as dead, so if you are the only one contributing, it is the same as “watering dead flowers.” Read about the magic of flowers here: All About the Magic of Flowers
How Relationships Waste Time
While there are plenty of people that say there is no such thing as a wasted relationship, plenty of people disagree. Relationships waste our time when they are with someone who doesn't love us or refuses to commit. Relationships are also a waste of time when somebody doesn't do their share and there's no future for the relationship.
It Hurts
Relationships shouldn't hurt, but bad ones do. When someone doesn't care about your feelings, is abusive, or even just ignores you, they hurt you, so, a relationship with them is a complete waste of your time. Some people think that if they're deeply in love, they can tolerate it no matter how much pain someone who loves them sends their way. When the relationship hurts you more than it contributes to your life, it's a waste of time.
They Don’t Love Us
Not everyone who says they love us does. Some people might say they love us, but they don't behave in loving ways. If they're not considerate of your feelings or your time, they don't love you. If they don't make you a priority and they don't take up for you when people speak against you, they don't love you. If they don't celebrate your victories with you and encourage you, they don't love you. If somebody shows that they don't love you, a relationship with them is a waste of your time. Do they love you? Find out here: How Do I Know if He Loves Me?
There is No Commitment
When someone refuses to commit to you, but you want commitment in a relationship, then a relationship with them is a waste of your time. Don't think that time will necessarily make them want to commit to you. Some people never commit to anyone or anything. They expect you to be there for them, but they say they want their freedom and they don't want to “be owned”. Don't expect people to automatically commit, even if you're committed to them. When somebody tells you that they are not committed, believe them.
There is No Reciprocity
Are you the one who makes all the phone calls and they never call you? Are you the one who gives all the invitations but they never invite you anyplace? Are you always doing things for them but they never do anything for you? Congratulations, there's no reciprocity in your relationship. It can hurt when you feel that you have dedicated a lot of time and emotional energy to giving your love to someone and they're just not giving back. Yours is a dead end relationship and you're wasting your time when that happens. You have to be realistic when you discover someone is not reciprocating with you. Read here to find out how to do that: Embrace Reality - Breaking Away from Unreality
There is No Future
When you realize there is no future for your relationship for whatever reason, if you stay in the relationship, it's a waste of time. You could be moving forward sharing life with someone else instead, you're stuck with someone who won't plan a future with you. They won't discuss settling down together. They won't include you in what they want to be doing in their future. They also don't want to hear about what you want to do with your future. Continuing such a relationship as a complete waste of your time.
Why We Allow It
If watering dead flowers is so bad for us, why do we do it? Sometimes we do it because past trauma taught us to accept bad relationships and we don't know any better. Sometimes we don't realize it's going on. Sometimes we blind ourselves to how bad things are because we're in love, and sometimes we just don't have the confidence to believe that we deserve better.
Past Trauma
Trauma when you're growing up and bad relationships trains you to accept bad relationships for your whole life. The difficult part about healing from trauma is you have to unlearn all the bad habits that it taught you and relearn good ones. If you were neglected as a child, you will be drawn to people who neglect you as an adult. If you were abused and taken advantage of, you will be comfortable with allowing adults to do the same thing to you when you grow up. You can heal from past trauma. Find out how here: Healing Form Past Traumas
We Don’t Realize it
You might not realize immediately that the relationship is dead. You might be so busy going through the motions of being in a relationship that you don't notice what's happening. You might not notice that things have become stagnant or that a distance has formed between you because you're so used to having this person in your life. The person you're involved with might be faking it and they might have you fooled. You're not stupid just because you don't realize it's happening. The good thing is, eventually you will realize.
Love is Blind
We really do blind ourselves in love sometimes. We can be so focused on working on the relationship that we don't notice the bad things that are happening in the relationship. We also pretend that our loved one’s signals aren't there. We make excuses for their neglect and abuse. We lie to ourselves and we say they're too busy to commit or spend time on the relationship. We pretend that they're not cheating, that they're not lying, or that they’re not hurting us. Love isn't supposed to hurt. Learn about manifesting love here: How to Manifest Love
We Believe We are Unworthy
If you believe you don't deserve a happy relationship, you will tolerate a dead relationship. You will stick around where you're not treated well, and you will tell yourself that you can't do any better. Maybe you lack confidence, or maybe someone has hammered it into your head that you're unworthy. That's not true. You deserve better than a dead relationship.
How to Stop “Watering Dead Flowers”
Some people immediately step away when they really realize that a relationship is dead. Other people need help to stop cultivating a dead relationship. First you have to know what you want and set boundaries in your life. Next, you need to expect respect and only accept reciprocity. Focus on being in good relationships and drop out of dead ones.
Know What You Want
If you're perfectly happy and getting everything you want out of a relationship, you probably didn't even read this article. If you're not happy and you're not getting what you want out of your relationship, what do you want? Really think about it, make a list and tell your partner. If they're not prepared to give it to you, the relationship is dead. Reaching for relationships you want is self-preservation. Read more about that here: The Case for Self-Preserving
Set Boundaries
You have to make it clear what's acceptable in your relationships. If you expect people who you love to give you as much attention as you give them, you're going to have to tell them. Cutting off people who don't may be a boundary you set.
Expect Respect
If you tolerate people disrespecting and mistreating you, they will continue to do it. You have to expect to be treated properly. Some people just don't know how to do that, and that means you're watering dead flowers in that relationship. Only consent to being in relationships where you're treated well and with love and respect. If they don’t care to be respectful, care less about them. Find out how here: I Couldn’t Care Less - When Caring Too Much Hurts
Only Accept Reciprocity
Another thing that should be mandatory in relationships is for them to give as much as they take. If you are the one who always rearranges your schedule for them, that's a problem. They should make time for you too. They should contribute as much as you do, especially emotionally. If you're involved with someone who is selfish with you and will not open up and share, you are watering dead flowers and that is unacceptable.
Focus on Good Relationships
Once you realize that you have been fighting for a bad relationship, focus on your good relationships instead. You might be afraid that if you give up on someone, you're a failure. Unfortunately, the people who never put effort into a relationship are actually the ones who failed. You can't have a relationship with someone else if they're not going to contribute. So spend your time and energy on the people who care about you and have good relationships with you. Find out if someone is good for a long-term relationship here: Is He the One? Find Out if He’s Mr. Right
Drop Dead Relationships
Keeping yourself in a bad relationship is like having an unhealthy addiction. It's something you're used to, and the only reason you do it is because you don't stop. Once you decide that a relationship is dead, instead of begging the other person to revitalize things, just step away. Stop calling, stop going to see them, and stop wasting your time on them. That's easier said than done, isn't it?
Some people are terrified of the thought of walking away from a dead relationship because they think people would call them a failure. The truth is, it takes two people to make a relationship work. One person cannot do double the work. You might think that you love that other person enough that it doesn't matter whether they love you or not, but it does. When someone doesn't put any time or effort into relationships, they're letting you know that they don't want the relationship. So, let it go.
Just because you've stepped away from a dead end relationship doesn't mean you're going to feel wonderful about it in the beginning. It's going to hurt. You're going to question whether you did the right thing or not, and you might try to go back to the person. They might even take you back, but things don't suddenly come back to life. Your dead relationship will not be resurrected just because you want it to be. The longer you have put time into a dead relationship, the harder it's going to be to change your life and move forward without it.
When you stop watering dead flowers, you will grieve. You will question whether you did the right thing. It's going to hurt. Just remember that nothing hurts worse than staying in a dead relationship. Love yourself enough to let go of relationships where love doesn't exist and open yourself to new love and better relationships. You are worth it.
Would you like to know if you have been “watering dead flowers” in a relationship? Reach out to one of our psychics any time any day to find out.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for PaganPages.Org emag and Green Egg Magazine.
