Selflessness is considered a virtue by some, but it can be one of the greatest vices you could ever exhibit. Find out how selflessness can be bad and all the reasons why you should matter just as much as everybody else.
What is Selflessness?
Selflessness means having absolutely no concern for yourself and always putting other people first. It’s thinking of others' wants and needs and never thinking about your own. You will sacrifice your own needs for what you believe to be the greater good. When you are selfless you will do things for people and not think about whether you're appreciated or whether people are reciprocating. You will do things for people even if it hurts you. If you lose sleep and get sick, you would be okay with that because you would feel like you're helping other people in ways that they can't help themselves.
Selfless people will go without food to feed other people. They will deprive themselves of comforts and emotional well-being if they believe that they're helping other people. They will give to people who abuse them and put themselves in harm's way if they feel like they can do something kind for someone else. They will be charitable, loving, unselfish, and they will never expect any thanks or recognition for it. Quite often, selfless people do these things for everyone they meet, not just their own family and friends. Is your family worth the problems that they may cause? Find out here: Are Relationships with Your Relatives Worth It?
How Selflessness Be Good
Selflessness can be a very good thing sometimes. It can help you to focus on the needs of others instead of just yourself. It helps you to give love to people in general and it makes sure that you’re not only focusing on yourself and dissolving into selfishness.
You Focus on Others
Selfless people focus on others. They see when others are hurting and need help, and they look for ways to make things better. They shelter the homeless, feed the hungry, befriend the lonely, and encourage the discouraged. Sometimes we can't meet all of our own needs, and selfless people will step in and help. Where would the world be if we did not have kind, generous, compassionate, selfless people? There would be a lot more suffering, that's where we would be. So selfless people can help make everything better when they focus on helping other people.
You Give Love
Not only do selfless people make things better by helping to meet needs. They also make things better by giving genuine love. They will be kind to strangers, the disadvantaged, and animals who are suffering. When we love someone, we tell them that their existence is important, that they count, and we want them to be happy. When you love someone, you care about them, you respect them, and you want them to be well. Real love is unconditional and selfless people seek to give love instead of just receiving it. Read our ultimate guide for manifesting love here: How to Manifest Love
You Aren’t Selfish
There is a difference between selfishness and self-preservation. Selfish people think only of themselves and they don't care about anybody else. They think about what they want more than other people's needs. They don't think about whether what they're saying or doing is necessary or if it hurts other people. They take instead of giving. Selfish people cause a lot of hurt and misunderstandings. Selfless people are not like this and they seek to prevent pain and instead of causing it. That's a good thing.
When Selflessness is Bad
Selflessness isn't all good though. If you are so selfless that you forget that you matter just as much as everybody else, bad things are going to happen. You're going to be taken advantage of and you're not going to be appreciated. You will establish relationships with people who take from you and give you nothing. You will be left emotionally empty and eventually you're going to become resentful of the people who treat you these ways.
You Are Taken Advantage Of
There are self-centered people in the world who look for every opportunity they can to take whatever they can from whoever they can. They love selfless people, because they get a lot of things from them. Some selfless people have a difficult time saying no and will give more than they can afford to give to people. Some people like narcissists are especially good at spotting people who they can use and selfless people have a hard time stopping this type of abuse once it starts. Do you know the signs that you're dealing with a narcissist? Find out here: Loving a Narcissist
You Are Not Appreciated
If you are a selfless individual, you will discover that people with a sense of entitlement will latch on to you. They will expect things from you instead of appreciating them and they will be very demanding when they want more than you can afford to give. They will find ways to emotionally manipulate you to do more and more for them and they might even make you feel guilty that you can't do more than that. Being unappreciated will get old. When you put so much time, love, and energy into doing things for people out of the kindness of your heart and they don't appreciate it, it's going to eventually hurt very badly.
There is No Reciprocity
Not only do entitled people make constant demands on selfless people, but they don't reciprocate. They will expect you to drop what you are doing and run to their side when they're having a bad day, but if you have a bad day, they won't be available to make you feel better. When they are sick, you will do everything you can to make them feel better, but when you are sick, they will scold you for taking time out to rest. They can even be terrifying, but you can face your fear of them. Find out how here: Facing and Overcoming Fears
You Leave Yourself Empty
When you are constantly fulfilling other people's needs, and you never think about your own, physically and emotionally it will empty you. This is bad for a lot of reasons. If your needs aren't met and you are not properly taken care of, eventually you will get to the point that you can't do things for other people which, if you are selfless, are very important to you. Everyone deserves love, caring, appreciation, respect, and consideration. When you are selfless, you can forget that you deserve these things and surround yourself with people who won't give them to you.
You Become Resentful
Finally, selflessness can make you resentful. This doesn't happen immediately of course, but when you've been unappreciated, taken advantage of, you deal with people who don't reciprocate, and you are left emotionally empty, one day you're going to get tired of it. At first you may ignore the way this makes you feel. However, your feelings are eventually going to be hurt. We all have a need to be cared about as much as we care about other people. When you have put so much time, energy, and love into doing things for other people, and they don't return any of those things, one day you're going to resent them for it.
How Selflessness is Abused
So, we have discovered the ways that selflessness can be good or bad. What are the ways that people take advantage of your selflessness? They can manipulate you and overuse you to the breaking point. They can invade your privacy and never let you get any rest or any breaks from constantly doing things for them. They do all these things while giving you no love at all even though you pour out your heart to them.
Manipulation
Manipulation is unfairly controlling or influencing someone. It is always done for a specific goal, and that is usually to benefit the manipulator at the expense of other people. Manipulators are good at pretending that they have no money when they know that they actually have more money than you. They are good at pretending that they are helpless and can't do things for themselves when they actually can and they are in a better position to do them than you are. They are also very good at covering up the truth so that selfless people will continue doing for them. Find out how to catch a liar here: You Liar! How Do You Catch a Liar?
Overuse
People who take advantage of selfless people will oftentimes take more than they should. If you don't set boundaries with them, nothing will stop them. They would take your last penny. They would take all of your emotional resources from you, and they would take up all of your time, thinking only of what they want. They don't have any limits, and no matter how much you give them or do for them, it is never enough. They will ask you for things more often than they should and they will never appreciate it.
Your Privacy is Invaded
When you are selfless, some people will invade your privacy. They will ask you personal questions that are inappropriate. They will insinuate themselves in your personal relationships even if they are not involved with you. They might also try to tell you how to make your own decisions, as if it is their business what goes on in your life. They will feel entitled and maybe even have a feeling of ownership over you. If you tell them that you feel your privacy is invaded, they might even scold you. It's very important to learn how to say no to such people, and you can find out how to do that here: How to Say No: Reclaim Your Power
You Never Rest
Selfless people don't just put themselves last. They actually don't think of themselves at all. So, if you're not thinking about yourself and you're only thinking about what other people want or need, you're not going to be meeting any of your own needs. That means you might forget to eat good food, take medication, get some time away from helping other people, and you might not even rest or sleep. If you're not allowing yourself to rest by being away from doing things for other people, you really need to rethink how much you're doing for other people.
You Go Unloved
Some people love so deeply, they don't think about whether they're getting any love in return. Do you spend time with people who don't care about you, but they love the fact that you care about them? Are you involved with a cheater who has you feeling sorry for them for some reason and you just can't break things off because you would feel guilty? Are you involved with an abuser? You're not going to get the love that you deserve in these types of situations, so start thinking about yourself as well as other people. Find out signs that somebody loves you here: How Do I Know if He Loves Me?
Balancing Love of Self
Some people focus so much on how much they care about other people that they forget that they, themselves, matter too. You have set healthy boundaries so you’re not depleted. You have to choose wisely who you do things for, and always, no matter what, leave some time and resources for yourself.
Set Boundaries
When you care about other people, you can make the mistake of not setting any boundaries. You can make yourself available all day every day for anybody who wants you to be. You can give everything that you have to everyone who wants it. You can allow yourself to be emotionally open to people who would abuse you, who don't appreciate you, and who just want to take advantage of you. Healthy boundaries don't close you off. They keep you open to doing the right things for the right people. So set boundaries.
Be Choosy
Be selective of who you do things for. Don't spend your time with people who don't care about you. Spend your time with the people who do. Don't do things for people who never do anything for you or only call you when they want something. Spend your time with the people who care about you and will do things for you also. Just because you care about other people doesn't mean that you have to do things for everyone. Be a friend to the people who are your friends. Learn about the love of friends here: All About the Love of Friends
Leave Something for Yourself
When you are a selfless person, it can be very difficult to think about yourself, but you have to. If you don't, chances are nobody else will. If you want to devote yourself to a life of service to other people, you have to make sure that you stay healthy, or you won't be fit to help other people. Being selfless might mean that you put other people before yourself, but you still have to remember to think about yourself. You matter just as much as everybody else does. Never forget that.
Selfless people often fall into the trap of doing things for people who don't care about them. They spend so much time doing things for unappreciative people who don't reciprocate that they are left physically and emotionally empty. Don’t let this happen to you. You can balance doing things for other people with doing for yourself by setting healthy boundaries, wisely choosing who you do things for, and taking care of yourself as well as other people. After all, we need our loving caring people. If you don't care about other people who will? Just save some of that love and care for yourself. You deserve it.
If you are looking for ways to balance your selflessness and staying out of toxic relationships, you've come to the right place. Get a reading with one of our psychics started to find out how to give to others as well as giving to yourself.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
