There is a difference between meaningless sex and intimacy between people who have an emotional connection. Find out the signs that you are emotionally intimate or just having sex with no emotional attachment and which type of intimacy you prefer.
Sex. Some people live for it. Some people say it’s to die for, and some people would do anything to get it. Then, there are other people who need something more- a deep emotional connection that sex alone just won’t satisfy. Which kind of person are you? Join SpiritualBlossom to learn the difference between meaningless sex, and true emotional intimacy. Find out the signs of which is happening in your relationship and take our quiz to find out what kind of intimacy you prefer. If you thought all sex fostered an emotional connection, and wonder why some of your lovers acted like they just didn’t care about you, this article is for you. So, read on.
What is Sex?
Sex is defined as any sexual act that arouses or makes people think of orgasm. It can entail a lot of things including genital sex, mutual masturbation, or even touching. Sex is one of the ways people bond emotionally, and entire relationships are built on satisfying sexual encounters. Entire relationships can be destroyed with unsatisfying sex also. Sex and sexuality form a large part of some people’s personal identities. They want to be desired and go out of their way to do what they believe makes them sexy. From how they dress to how they ask people on dates, some people’s personal sensual behavior defines their lives and who they believe they are.
What drives us to be sexually active is science. We are naturally hardwired to develop our sexual reproductive system. We are naturally inclined to participate in it because it releases pleasure hormones into the body. Sex helps lower blood pressure, increase self-esteem, and improves your feeling of quality of life. Those are not the only benefits of sex. It makes us feel an emotional connection with our partner. On the other hand, feeling deprived of sex can make people feel like they are no longer connected to their partner.
Sex can be one of the most satisfying ways people bond with one another, and a way people express their personal identity, but it can also be used to control or abuse people. Withholding sex to manipulate somebody into doing what you want is one form of sexual abuse, and another is forcing someone to have sex. Abuse creates toxic relationships and that can happen to anybody. Are you in an abusive or toxic relationship and want advice? Read about how toxic relationships happen and what to do about them here: Why Relationships That Are Toxic Happen
Do We Always Bond with Sex?
Do we always bond sexually with a partner? It all depends. Some people don't have very strong sex drives and sex does not make them feel emotionally connected with other people. Other people cannot imagine being in a romantic relationship if there is no sex. Sometimes even though there's a lot of sex, there will be no emotional attachment though. Even for the people who do bond with sex, typically they need more than that to really feel close to a partner.
Besides physically bonding through sex, some people need nonsexual affection like hugs, touches, kisses, or just sitting or standing near their partner. For such people, if their partner only wants to touch them when it's time for sex, it makes them feel disconnected from the relationship and it makes them wonder if they're even loved to begin with. Some people bond in other ways than through physical touch or sex. They bond through conversation, sharing life together, enjoying one another's company, and being open and honest about everything. One Zodiac sign that finds it very important to be open and honest in their relationships is Cancer and you can read about that sign here: Cancer Zodiac Traits and Love Compatibility
What is Emotional Intimacy?
Emotional intimacy means feeling emotionally close and connected with somebody else. It means you use open communication to share how you feel and you trust them and allow yourself to be vulnerable to them. When you are emotionally intimate with someone, you can share your fears and talk to them on days when you don't feel well. They are the person who you go to when you need to talk about your life, and they will listen without judgment. They will accept your flaws even if you're working on improving yourself and they won't criticize you, but will instead build you up.
When you have emotional intimacy with someone, you can share secrets that you don't feel comfortable telling anybody else. You don't have to hide from them when you're not at your best. As a matter of fact, on your worst days, you will want to be by their side because they know how to make everything better. They care about your feelings and even if they disagree with you on something, they will validate how you feel. When you have emotional intimacy with someone, you will be a priority in one another's lives. Even if you are busy, you will make time for each other. To some people, emotional intimacy is more important than physical intimacy. We don't just connect with other people. We connect with nature too. Read about our interconnectedness with nature here: Interconnection- How we Connect to Nature
Signs It’s Just Sex
Sometimes it's immediately obvious that you don't have an emotional connection with somebody. Some signs of that are that there is no emotional attachment at all and you do nothing and have sex. When you have problems or a bad day, you don't take care of each other and you don't make plans for the future together. You also will involve yourselves in one another’s personal lives. So, you won't introduce them to anybody who you love.
There is No Emotional Attachment
If you and your sex partner genuinely don't care about one another's feelings, there's no emotional attachment there. If your partner doesn't seem to understand what you're trying to communicate with them and they don't listen, they're not emotionally attached to you. If you don't talk about your feelings together and don't touch each other besides when you're having sex, you're probably not emotionally attached. Most of all, if you don't talk about important things, you have no emotional attachment.
You Just Have Sex
If you and your partner do nothing but have sex, you do not have any emotional attachment. You may find yourselves only getting together to have sex and then departing from one another immediately once you're finished. Even if you spend the night together, you will rarely have much, if any, deep conversation.
You Don’t Take Care of Each Other
What happens when one of you is hurting or sick? Do you wait to get together until afterwards, or do you step in and help each other? If you don't help each other through problems, you don't have an emotional attachment and you're just having sex.
You Plan No Future With Them
Do you talk about the future together or do you just talk about the next time you're going to get together to have sex? Do you see them in your life ten years down the road? Do you see yourselves having a future together and do you talk about what you want that future to entail? If you don't, there's no emotional attachment. Read our ultimate guide to manifesting love with or without a partner here; How to Manifest Love
You Don’t Introduce Them to People
Do you take your partner places with you and introduce them to your family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers? If you've been involved with each other for more than a few months and you don't take them anywhere with you or introduce them to anybody, chances are you have no emotional attachment and you're just having sex.
Signs You Have an Emotional Connection
It's easy to tell when you have an emotional connection with someone and your relationship is based on more than sex. When you truly love someone and other things in your relationship are more important than sex, you're connected emotionally. When you help each other through tough times and make plans for the future together, you've got an emotional connection. When your lover belongs to your tribe, you have an emotional connection.
You Love Them
One of the best ways to tell you have an emotional connection and are not just having sex with your partner is you are very happy when they're around and you make their happiness a top priority. If you can't imagine ever being without them and you would rather tolerate them on their worst day than to never be around them at all, you know you're in love.
Sex Isn’t Most Important
For some couples, sex is very important, but if it's not the most important thing in your relationship, chances are you have a strong emotional connection with them. Things that are more important than sex in emotionally connected relationships include making your partner feel happy, taking care of them when they're struggling, and listening to one another.
You Help Each Other
When you help each other through difficult times, that means you have an emotional connection. If you don't avoid them when they're struggling, but instead go out of your way to make them better, you have an emotional connection. If you're partners in life, toughing out lean times financially and emotionally trying times as a team, you help each other and you have a strong emotional connection. One way to help each other is to come back together after you've grown apart and you can find out how to do that here: Getting Together Again When You Grew Apart
You Make Plans Together
People with an emotional connection make plans to spend more time together. You work out a plan when to get together later in the week, later in the day, or whatever you can. You will make plans for things that you will do in the distant future also. Where do you want to be twenty years? If you want to be together, you have an emotional connection.
They Belong to Your Tribe
Someone you have an emotional connection with will be welcome at your family gatherings, with your friends, in your neighborhood, and surrounded by your peers at work functions. Someone who you have an emotional connection with will belong in your life and you will want to take them places with you when you're spending time with other people who you love.
Sexual Preferences Quiz
Ask yourself and your partner these ten questions. If you get more yes answers, it means you are more focused on emotional intimacy. If you get more no answers, you are more focused on sex than an emotional connection with a sexual partner. You might get about half yes and about half no answers, that means being sexually active even if you aren’t in a committed relationship is important to you, but it is also an important part of committed relationships.
1) Is sex a way you emotionally bond with someone?
2) Is it difficult or impossible for you to have sex with someone you don’t have a relationship with?
3) Would you prefer a sexless romantic relationship with someone who cares about you to a no strings attached sexual relationship?
4) Would you stay with someone you loved if your sex life with them became less frequent or nonexistent?
5) Do you need to love and trust someone to have sex with them?
6) Does it turn you off when a stranger is sexually aroused by you, even if they are not unattractive?
7) Are you willing to do most anything sexually for someone you love, but if you don’t love someone, even being offered your favorite sexual acts by them doesn’t interest you?
8) Does the thought of sex with a stranger, even an attractive one, repel you?
9) Do you need to know and trust someone completely before you are sexually active with them?
10) Is sex only a priority when you are in a committed relationship?
What To Do About Conflicts
Sometimes, no matter how long you've been with someone, or how much you love them, conflicts can arise in the bedroom. You may have different sexual needs than one another from the beginning, or, over time one or both of you might change. Sex drive changes with age. Men's testosterone starts to decline around age 30 which can make their sex drive drop. Middle age can also make men's sex drive drop. Women peak sexually in their 30s typically, and as they move toward menopause, sex drive can drop. If your relationship has always been based on sex, suddenly having little or no sex can break you apart.
Some people are sexually incompatible from the beginning. If you are in love with someone and you can't have good sex together, you might not be able to work things out. If you communicate and try to work together though, you might be able to. If you have an emotional bond and you're both flexible, you may be able to experiment different sex techniques and different ways to have fun together sexually. Sexual compatibility might just be one conversation away. If you can’t work things out, a breakup might be in your future, Find out how the Zodiac signs break up here: Breakups with Each of the Signs
Sex isn’t just about having an orgasm. Sometimes, it’s a way people connect emotionally, and it helps to strengthen relationships. Sometimes, your lover is just using you for sex, and doesn’t want an emotional attachment and that’s okay as long as you are onboard with that. Other times, you might decide meaningless sex isn’t worth your time, and move on in search of a deeper connection. Which works for you? Know yourself and you can know your emotional and sexual needs.
Do you have questions about your relationship and how sensuality is bringing you together or tearing you apart? Reach out to one of our psychics to start a reading today.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for PaganPages.Org emag.
