Grudges might feel good, but some people say they destroy the person who holds them. Find out why we hold grudges and if it’s better to forgive and forget.
Has somebody ever upset you so much that you never forget how they make you feel and every last time you see them, you feel even more upset? That has happened to all of us, but how do you handle it? Do you strike out against them for life, swearing you will never get over it and demand everybody who knows both of you take your side? That’s a grudge and a lot happens to you when you decide to hold grudges. Join SpiritualBlossom to find out what grudges are and what they cause. Find out the results of pulling other people into your grudge and whether it’s best to hold that grudge or forgive and forget. The people closest to us can hurt us the most, that’s true, but whether you let it turn into a lifelong grudge is your decision. Read on to find out how grudges impact you- instead of the people you hold them against.
What’s a Grudge?
A grudge is a lingering feeling of hurt or resentment because of what someone has done. You're hurt, you're angry, and nothing is making you feel better. A grudge isn't a temporary failing, it's something that's long lasting and it's not based on a small offence. Big things cause grudges. Betrayals, Broken trust, or just things that are especially damaging or hurtful lead to a grudge.
Most people don't specifically want to hold a grudge. It just happens because they're especially upset. Some people say that only people with coping issues, low self esteem, or emotional problems hold grudges, but that's not necessarily the case. What causes grudges is extreme hurt and some people feel like holding that grudge will protect them from being hurt again. A grudge comes after an offence permanently changes things and sometimes ends a meaningful relationship. One thing that can end relationships is cheating and you can find out what else cheating causes here: What Happens if You’re in a Cheating Relationship?
Famous Grudges
If anybody holds noticeable grudges, it’s famous people. From comedy power duo Martin and Lewis to musicians Sir Elton John and Keith Richards to the members of the band Motley Crue, they show how grudges damage relationships and keep people fighting for years.
Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis
Comedy duo Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis worked together harmoniously for years. Then, Martin decided he wanted to do some solo work, and on a special they were doing together, had arranged to sing a song to promote it. Lewis ran out, smacking him around during the song the whole time. Although Lewis apologized, Martin refused to speak to him for years. Finally, their mutual friend, Frank Sinatra arranged for them both to be onstage at the same time, and Martin forgave Lewis. Watch their uplifting reunion here: Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis reunited by Frank Sinatra after 20 years!!
Sir Elton John and Keith Richards
In 1975, Keith Richards made the comment that Sir Elton John’s music was superficial and he called him a man in a ‘hairpiece and sequins.” Sir Elton fired back similar comments. In 1997, their brawling continued with Richards calling Sir Elton’s song Candle in the Wind a “song for dead blondes.” Sir Elton responded on record by saying “ I’m glad I’ve given up drugs and alcohol. It would be awful to be like Keith Richards…I have great respect for the Stones, but they would have been better if they had thrown Keith out 15 years ago.” Unlike Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, there is no evidence Sir Elton and Richards have resolved their issues.
Mic Mars and Motley Crue
Mic Mars was one of the founding members of rock band Motley Crue. He was excused from the band and replaced in 2022 when his Ankylosing Spondylitis forced him to take a step back. They immediately had problems and a terrible legal battle ensued. Mars claimed the band had been shouldering him out since 1987, making decisions without him, and not treating him as an equal member. He claimed they tried to strip him of his financial rights, and reduce the amount of money they promised him. Ultimately, he lost his lawsuit, and status as a band manager, also being ordered to pay the band money. To date, he has not reconciled with the band. Some famous musicians may have had celebrity feuds, but music stirs the soul. Find out about music and how it moves us here: The Spirit Music Connection - How Music Moves Us
What Grudges Cause
Grudges cause some good things and some things that can be thought of as bad. You stay upset when you have a grudge. However, with grudges, the people who hurt you no longer have access to you, so that means they can’t do it again. A nasty result of your grudge is sometimes people judge you and talk against you for it.
You Stay Upset
Grudges mean we are still upset. Do grudges make us stay upset or are we still upset and we therefore hold a grudge? Nobody can really say, but the two seem to go hand in hand. Some people believe grudges MAKE us upset, and other people say had the offender not upset us so badly to begin with, there would be no grudge. Pain lingers from certain extremely hurtful things. Some people are able to leave their grudge behind them and heal because they say it is not worth it to stay upset.
They Can’t Do It Again
If you hold onto what happened in such a way that you refuse to hold the person who hurt you blameless, you will likely stay away from them. They can’t hurt you again if they are not allowed to have access to you, can they? You remember what happened and signs that someone else is about to begin behaving that way can make you step away before they can. Remembering how something makes you feel helps you to understand your personal limits. That is very helpful in helping you set boundaries. Other people should never push your boundaries, but YOU should. Find out how to push personal boundaries to discover possibilities here: Testing Your Boundary Level- Taking Your Chances
People Talk
One thing your grudge causes is for people to talk about you. They may or may not hold the person who hurt you accountable for what they did. While some people are quick to excuse a betrayal, others are not quick to be understanding of a grudge. Such people will accuse you of being unnecessarily judgmental, unforgiving, and being somebody who lives in the past. People are especially judgmental when you hold a grudge against someone you were previously close to. They may visit you, and implore you to drop your grudge and hold the offender blameless, but not ask the person who hurt you to apologize.
Other People’s Grudges
One thing that can happen with a grudge is that other people will take sides and participate. This is noticeable when there is a romantic breakup, for example. Everybody's friends take sides and write off the partner who they feel was in the wrong. Either that or they won't speak to the partner ever again b because they don't want to anger the person who's their favorite in the relationship. Children will take on their parents grudges, friends will take on grudges, and entire organizations may take on grudges to show solidarity with the person who first started holding a grudge.
Multiple things happen when you take on someone else's grudge. Some people take it as a sign of loyalty if you side with them. What happens if you have a falling out with the person that had a grudge? Do you continue being loyal to that grudge? Some people will go and talk to the other person and switch grudges. That's something to think about. Betrayal hurts, but at some point you have to start caring less about what untrustworthy people do. Find out how here: I Couldn’t Care Less - When Caring Too Much Hurts
Are you really involved in what happened between those two people? Do you want to take on a lifetime commitment to a grudge that doesn't involve you? Some people will completely stay out of such sticky situations for one very important reason. They feel like it's none of their business. They also don't want other people involving themselves in their personal business. Other people will say if someone expects them to hold a grudge over something that really doesn't involve them, they're not a good friend to begin with.
Forgiveness vs Grudges
Forgiveness is another topic. It means holding someone blameless for something they have done. For forgiveness to happen, a lot of people feel the need to believe that the person who hurt them is truly sorry. They have to accept responsibility for what they did, and do whatever they can to make up for it. Then, they have to pledge to never do it again. We all make mistakes. If we can’t forgive other people’s mistakes, then other people will have a hard time forgiving ours. Read more about forgiveness here: How to Forgive: The Power of Forgiveness
Small things, and things someone did not intend to hurt you are easy to forgive. It’s the big things like cheating, verbal abuse, and sharing secrets that a lot of people have a hard time being forgiving about. Depending on how bad the offense was, some people find it impossible to forgive, and it is easy for them to hold a grudge. They will cut off all ties to someone they believe hurt them so badly the relationship is beyond repair.
Other people feel the need to forgive no matter how bad things are because they say they cannot get closure and move on without doing it. Some people say holding a grudge keeps them connected to the hurt whereas forgiveness helps them move past it. Leaving the past in the past can’t happen if we focus on it all the time. Such people say it is easier for them to forget what happened, and focus on today and the future instead. One Zodiac Sign that has a hard time forgetting what you did until they feel you have atoned for it is Scorpio and you can read more about them here: Scorpio Traits and Love Compatibility
What Does Your Grudge Accomplish?
The question you should ask yourself when you are considering holding a grudge is what the grudge accomplishes. It either hurts you more or it protects you. If the grudge is just a reminder to stay away from someone because you know what terrible things that are capable of, the grudge helps. If the offense can’t be repeated, the individual is powerless against you and is genuinely sorry, holding a grudge may be counterproductive. Even when people aren’t sorry, a grudge you hold and have an emotional blowup about years after the offense isn’t hurting the people who are guilty. It is hurting you.
What about when other people are involved? When a breakup happens and you and your ex fight so hard, you can’t co-parent peacefully, your children suffer from your grudge. If you and a co-worker have a falling out and you both hold grudges against each other to the point that you can’t work together, the whole team suffers. If the grudge has no benefit, and it just keeps creating more fights and drama, you may want to lay it aside and move forward without it. Painful things from the past should never be repeated, so protect yourself when you know you can’t trust people. Just don’t continue hurting yourself or other people today. You may find it easier to forget about someone entirely. Magic can help. Find out how here: How Can I Forget Someone? Spells for Moving On
A Last Word
The people who we love and trust most are the ones who have the most ability to hurt us. When you have poured your heart and soul into a relationship, you expect someone to value that. When people show that they do not appreciate you or the relationship you thought you built together, rather than simply staying mad, you could just stay away. You have learned that you cannot trust that person with your feelings. However, if the two of you talk things out and decide to move forward from the ugly situation and put it behind you, bringing up what happened won’t help. Even the best of friends have problems sometimes, but sometimes our love for one another is more powerful than anything else. Thank goodness for that! What would we do without true friends? Read about the love of friends here: All About the Love of Friends
Ultimately, it is up to you whether you hold a grudge or forgive. Other people may have their opinions, but it’s not their decision. You have to decide if a grudge helps you or hurts you. You have to decide whether to forgive and repair the relationship or cut your losses and heal without the person who hurt you. Some relationships are more important than anything else. Other relationships ruin your life, and you are more important than they are.
Grudges are things we hold that make us feel protected from being hurt again- and sometimes they do just that. Other times, they hold us back from repairing relationships or moving forward from terrible things other people have done. Grudges can protect us because they help us remember how bad something hurt, and it makes sure we don’t allow people to do it again. They can hurt us by keeping us focused on the past. People like to make our grudges their business by either judging us for them or holding the grudges with us. You can hold a grudge, and you can forgive instead. The choice is yours.
Are you having trouble deciding whether to forgive or not? Get a reading started with one of our psychics for guidance today.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for PaganPages.Org emag and Green Egg Magazine.
