TL;DR- Welcome to your life. As you walk your path celebrating personal triumphs, and grieving tragedies, people, and experiences will come and go, but one thing will stay with you from birth to death- YOU. As your life changes, things about you will change, but deep down, there is a place in your soul that is one hundred percent your true self, and nothing will make that any different. The key is to learn who your true self is and all that entails. This article will discuss:
Currently, your main goals may be to find a loving woman to share your life with or you might have serious aspirations to climb to the top in your career. You might focus on the way you look, the amount of money you have, or spend all your energy focusing on having good times. However, none of these things are who you are as a person, but they are simply things you do with your time. Who are you, really, deep on the inside, and what bad habits can you let go of to be more true to yourself? What can you do to grow as a person and what things are within you that should be released so you can blossom? Read on to learn all about how to find your authentic self and be who you are unapologetically.
Who Are You?
“Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.” – Oscar Wilde
If you ask random people that you meet, “Who are you?” you will get various answers. Some people will answer with their job title, or that they are a parent, spouse, or member of some religious organization, but that’s not really who they are. Our jobs and our roles in our family and community comprise the things we do, but there are plenty of other people who do all the same things we do, and they are still not us. Besides that, what we do changes over time, but who we are on the inside stays the same.
Each of us is different. Inside, some people are very sensitive and tenderhearted, and other people are very outgoing and ambitious. Some people are naturally extroverted and they initiate contact first while others pull back and are more introverted. The way we naturally are helps decide what kinds of things we spend time doing. More extroverted people will be drawn to things that put them in the spotlight, like public speaking for example, and while introverts may have to do such things for a job, they might only do so if they must.
Even though deep inside we are who we are and that decides what we do, the things we do are not the equivalent of who we are as people. The things we do become the things that define us to other people and characterize how they perceive us though. If you have a deep sense of justice and feel the need to make sure things are fair, people may elect you as the representative of their neighborhood association. Let’s say you have some habits you have developed that are not the best of habits. If you show up late for meetings, misplace materials you have been trusted with, and you somehow manage to flare tempers so somebody has to step in, stopping an argument you start at every meeting, even if deep down you still want things to be fair, your habits can get you removed as neighborhood representative.
Merriam Webster online defines personality as: “ a: the complex of characteristics that distinguishes an individual or a nation or group especially : the totality of an individual's behavioral and emotional characteristics. b: a set of distinctive traits and characteristics”. While personality can be called the behaviors we exhibit, and the habits we have, those things are oftentimes things we have learned, and that means they can also be unlearned. “That’s just the way I am!” you might insist, but the truth is, we are the way we choose to be, and we are capable of being different if we want to be.
Stop Bad Habits
“ A change in bad habits leads to a change in life.”- Jenny Craig
A habit is any learned behavior, and sometimes our habits are really good ones, but sometimes they are not good at all. Anytime you want to be a better version of yourself, an easy way to do that is to objectively take a look at yourself, and admit it if you have bad habits. Then change those bad habits and replace them with good ones. This will immediately make you a better you. Examine your relationship[p habits, your health practices, and what thoughts you allow to control you. What can be improved about those?
End Bad Relationship Habits
We have all had people in our lives who were not especially good for us, but here is the question: what happened when the relationship was over? Did you learn from it, or did you replace that with another relationship that was just like it? Sometimes, we get caught in cycles that are toxic to us, and while the toxic people are completely responsible for their own actions, if we bring one person after another into our lives who do all the same toxic things, the person who needs to change is us. Consciously decide what things you want to stop allowing in relationships, and then refuse to allow anybody to do those things.
That’s just part of the recipe for success, though. The second part of that is to decide what good, healthy things you want in your relationships instead. If you have allowed people into your life who are verbally abusive, make sure to only allow people into your life who are nurturing with their words and actions and who know how to exude positive energy. If you have dated multiple individuals who don’t make time to see you, then refuse to date people who behave that way and instead date only people who make you a priority. You will see immediate changes when you replace bad relationship habits with good ones, and your relationships will be much better ones.
Change Poor Health Practices
Plenty of people have splurged on an extra serving of some food they shouldn’t have and may have skipped workouts. Others skip sleep to stay out partying or overwork themselves to the point of exhaustion. No matter what bad health practices you have had in the past, you can improve them starting right now and no, you don’t have to wait to make improvements until you get bad news from the doctor that your health is suffering due to some lifestyle choice that is literally killing you. One of the simplest healing techniques you can practice is to make a wish for a healthy body.
Then, how to fulfill your wish is to take an objective look at what isn’t healthy. What you eat, and drink, and how much of it you ingest creates your body from the inside out. If you want to feel good, eat and drink the things that support that. If you want to be well rested, make sure to get enough sleep. If you want relief from pain, see massage therapists, reiki practitioners, and medical doctors to start a plan of action to help. If you have some form of addiction you want to kick, a doctor or counselor can get you started on the road to recovery. If you don’t know how to get started with addiction recovery, look here: SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA
Letting Go of Thoughts
Besides including healthy relationships instead of bad ones and making healthier choices for our bodies, it is also important to make sure we think the thoughts that are good for us. Things like you are unworthy, hopeless, or stupid are things you should not tell yourself under any circumstances. If you feel like you need more wisdom, don’t feel bad, instead learn. If you have been struggling and are feeling so exhausted you are thinking of giving up, reach out for help. If you feel like you are not as good as you could be, instead of believing you can’t do better, find ways to improve.
Our thoughts can hurt us or uplift us, and they form the foundation for how we act. Our actions create changes in our lives, and those changes can be good ones. Letting go of the thoughts that hold us back from progressing and having the things in our lives that we want will free us up to think of ways to go out and find ways to make our lives the way we want them to be. Our thoughts come before what we do, and if we convince ourselves nothing good can happen, we might not even try. Practice positive affirmations, telling yourself you can achieve what you want, and you will have the courage to try.
Grow From Your Heart
“ The heart is like a garden. It can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love. What seeds will you plant there?” – Jack Kornfield
We can grow by changing bad habits into good ones, but to grow emotionally is an important part of making us our best selves as well. Emotions should certainly have our attention, but learning to emotionally detach when it is necessary is very important as well. Perhaps the most important thing we can do to grow from the heart is learn to share our love in our own ways!
Express Your Emotions
The inability to express emotions can leave you feeling isolated and misunderstood, so there is only one thing to do if you have a difficult time expressing yourself. That is to learn how. Some people naturally excel in speaking their minds more than others, and some people are painfully shy or even very private individuals. Even if you are shy or private, and you don’t want just anybody and everybody knowing your feelings, you can express your emotions to the people who you trust in private. Just initiate communication and then tell them you need to talk to them privately about something. Then once you are speaking in private, be open and honest about your feelings.
If you are worried you might be overly emotional when expressing yourself, wait until you have had time to take a step back and calm down a little bit before talking about your feelings. There may come a time when things can’t wait and you have to talk while you are extremely upset, but that won’t always be the case. You will oftentimes have a chance to have some time to yourself to think about things and then think about how you want to word what you have to say to the people who you want to share your feelings with. Then take a deep breath and express your feelings. The people who truly love you will listen and understand.
How to Practice Detachment
While there is a time to be in touch with your feelings and share them with the right people, there is a time to step away from your emotions and practice detachment. Learning how to practice emotional detachment is not easy, but it is worth it. The way you do this is to first remind yourself that whatever it is that is upsetting you is simply not worth your time. Then move forward with your life, setting it aside and going forward without it. At first, you will possibly still think about it and feel hurt. That is normal, but you should not surrender to it.
Anytime hurt feelings come up, simply say “It is understandable that I am hurt, but this is not worth my time to be hurt over. I have transcended this, and I give myself permission to leave it behind, and move forward without it. I reserve my emotions for things that nurture and support me, and I do not give this permission to hurt me.” It might be something you are stuck dealing with, and you can’t just forget about it. If this is the case, you can still deal with what is going on without it controlling your emotions. It is not worth being hurt over. You are stronger than you think, and practicing emotional detachment will prove that strength to you.
Share Love
Some people worry they may be made a fool of if they “love too much”, but the problem with the world is not that some people are too loving. The problem is that some people are not loving enough. So go ahead and love with all your heart and don’t worry that somebody might not understand. To love in the way that is most powerful for you, however, you have to be selective with who you share your love with. Not everybody is receptive to love, and even those who are might not want to be loved by you. That’s okay, though, because there are over eight billion people on earth as of the writing of this article, many of whom will be thankful to have somebody love them.
Unleash Your True Beauty
“ True beauty is when someone is unafraid of her true self.” – Kimberly Dillavou
Even if you do little else in life, being true to who you are is something you can do to be your best self. Each of us is a unique individual and there is nobody just like us. While we may “take after” someone in some ways, we are not them, but we are us! We each have unique talents and gifts and are beautiful in our own ways. Although we are beautiful and can work at self-improvement, we will still have imperfections, and it is important to accept that instead of feeling bad about it. Finally, we have to give ourselves a break, no matter how hard we work at being our best selves. We have to breathe!
Embrace Your Gifts
Each of us has special talents and gifts and no two people’s gifts are exactly alike. You might see people who are absolutely thriving in their talents and wish to be like them, but are your gifts similar, and you look up to them, or is it the fact they have such a strong grasp of their gifts that you wish to emulate? We all admire people who are at their best, sure, but just don’t believe they can be that amazing and you can’t because you most certainly can. The thing to do is find out what it is you are good at and give it your all to excel.
If you are good at painting, then paint and don’t let anybody else tell you how to paint, but embrace your own style. If you are good at flying helicopters, go pilot helicopters. You might be called to save lives or even be lucky enough to take people on fun flights they enjoy. If you are good with animals, work with them. You may be called to veterinary medicine, or you might just be called to be a great pet parent and do some rescues from time to time. Whatever your personal gifts are, let those be the things you really focus your time and energy on. Chances are those are the things you are meant to be doing and some would say those things are your higher purpose in life!
Accept Your Imperfections
While you are doing all you can to be your best self, don’t forget that being your best does not mean being perfect. Even if you are the best pianist on earth, you can still play a wrong note. The best runners on earth occasionally trip or run more slowly than usual. If you are trying to change habits, you may still have setbacks. None of this means you have failed or are not good enough. It just means you are human and while you are being your best self, you still have off days or even less that great moments and all of that is alright.
You will never be without flaws or imperfections, and instead of focusing on things you cannot change, it is best to focus on what you can change. You can change how much time you spend being a better version of yourself by giving up things that don’t help your goals. You can focus on celebrating your victories, and you can focus on helping teach other people how to excel at being their best selves. Perfection might be impossible, but being your best self is as close to perfection as you can get and that is a good thing.
Let Your Heart Breathe
Lauren with lc-counselling.co.uk said “ She believed she could…but she was tired. So, she rested, and you know what? The world went on and it was okay. She knew she could try again tomorrow.” Have you caught yourself pushing so hard you absolutely wear yourself out or you stay stressed out constantly? While being focused on success and self-improvement is a wonderful thing, to exhaust yourself is not a good thing. Perfection does not exist, and self-improvement is not some project you will do that ends at some point. Self-improvement is lifelong and is a gentle process where you pull the best parts from within yourself to the surface and discard parts you feel are unnecessary.
Self-healing and self-love are both a big part of self-improvement, and you should never be upset with yourself if improvement is taking time. Breathe and love yourself. You are a beautiful work in progress and all good things take time. You will evolve and change in wonderful ways, and being your best self is a journey you will be on all the days of your life. To read more about what Lauren had to say, read here: Give yourself a break (lc-counselling.co.uk)
Ask Your Guides
“ A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” – Henry Adams
The good thing is, you are never alone on the path of self-improvement, and plenty of people will help guide you to be your best self. Teachers and counselors teach life skills every day, and some people are fortunate enough to find good ones to mentor them. Then, there are people who act as a spiritual reader or a life reader who can answer your questions like “Am I too much” or “Tell me how to connect to my higher self.” There are also wonderful classes you can take at spiritual resource centers and online learning things like how to increase your positive energy or how to increase intuition power. Initiating a conversation with guides can be the beginning of delving deep within yourself to bring out all the best things that lie within you.
It’s true that nobody is perfect, but it is also true that you are perfectly yourself. You can meet your destiny one decision at a time, and if you train yourself to let go of habits that hold you back from being the best you can be, you can focus on being your true self instead. You are more than your jobs and roles you play in your family and community. You are an amazing one-of-a-kind individual, and the world is better off to have you. May your best self shine so you can live to the fullest and be a blessing to everyone around you! So be It.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Spiritual Blossom and she writes for Pagan Pages emag.
