Deal breakers are things that go wrong in relationships and can tear two people who love one another apart. Find out what kinds of things are deal breakers, how they destroy relationships, and how to keep them from breaking you up.
We have all had problems in our relationships before, but a lot of times, things can be worked through. Then there are those difficulties that make you wonder what you've ever saw in someone to begin with or why you even bother to say hello in the first place. Some things are so ugly that we say they break the deal that we have to stay together. Those are called deal breakers. What are those deal breakers and what are some common ones? Join SpiritualBlossom to find out. Find out what makes deal breakers worse than some things and if you're unreasonable for breaking things off when deal breakers happen. Find out if there's hope when there's a so-called deal breaker and if your relationship can survive.
What’s a Deal Breaker?
When you meet and fall in love, you may notice just the positive things about someone. You spend your time doing things you enjoy together, and you plan a life together. As time goes on, you might start to notice some things that bother you- a lot. Some of these things can be ignored or worked through and other things might threaten to break your relationship apart. The upsetting things that could break you apart are called deal breakers. Deal breakers are different from just problems. Deal breakers are typically things that are non-negotiable and that you can't see eye to eye on.
A deal breaker can be anything from a bad habit all the way down to abuse. Deal breaker breakers threaten the harmony in your relationship and keep you from working as a team to move forward in life together. It's usually things that one person is stubborn about and the other person begs to have changed. The thing about deal breakers though, typically they’re habits. Habits are learned and habits can be unlearned. If both of you are willing to work on things, a deal breaker doesn't have to break you apart. Find out how to come back together after you've grown apart here: Getting Together Again When You Grew Apart
What Makes Deal Breakers Bad?
Why are deal breakers so bad? They're bad because they're not just small things. There are major things that stress relationships. They will not go away when you ignore them. Things that compromise your finances, your health, and your peace of mind will be deal breakers. The way that deal breakers happen make them bad. One person in the relationship is unwilling to change or do something different to accommodate their partner. Whatever bad habit or bad decision someone is making takes on more importance than the person who loves them.
What Are Common Deal Breakers?
Now that you have an idea of what defines a deal breaker, what are some common deal breakers, and are there ways to combat them? There are countless things that can be deal breakers, but we will list just ten. From broken trust, conflicting beliefs, lack of respect and having different goals in life, deal breakers can end your relationship or they can be something that you work together on as a couple.
Broken Trust
Trust takes a long time to build and one moment to break. Some people feel that once trust is broken the relationship is doomed. Is it though? Everybody makes mistakes, even someone who's upset with someone who they feel has broken their trust. How much time have you invested in the relationship and how bad is what happened compared with all the good things that have happened? If this had not happened would everything be perfect, or were there problems before? Most especially is your partner sorry for what happened and they're behaving as if it will never happen again? Maybe you can trust them again after all.
Cheating
infidelity is one of the top deal breakers, but it doesn’t always cause a breakup. Psychology Today stated that one in 5 people broke up with their partner over infidelity- kind of. The statistics point to a breakup following an affair due to other circumstances, and it tallies up to about half of all discovered affairs leading to a breakup. So what can make so many people stay together anyhow? Sometimes, the affair is not discovered- but other times, people decide to work together on their relationship and get through it. Read more from Psychology Today here: Why Some Affairs Lead to Breakups, but Others Don't | Psychology Today
Dishonesty
Speaking of trust, how can you trust somebody who won't tell you the truth? A lot of people say dishonesty is a deal breaker in a relationship. People usually lie from the desire to protect themselves from negative consequences or keep up an artificial image of themselves. They might want to control things or have a desired outcome and the truth won't help them to meet that goal. Lying in a relationship is entirely different than lying to a stranger. You don't have to stand for dishonesty in your relationships. Always tell the truth to your partner and know the signs that you're dealing with a liar. Find out how to catch a liar here: You Liar! How Do You Catch a Liar?
Conflicting Beliefs
Different views on religion, politics, how to spend your money, or raise children can create hardships in relationships and can make it impossible for people to have a life together. Beliefs on how clean the house should be, how to spend days off and vacations, and how to split the housework can also create contention that breaks off relationships. Beliefs about long-term relationships including marriage and how to coparent in the event that you break up can tear people apart too. Anytime your beliefs make it impossible for someone to live with you, that's a deal breaker. Speaking up about your beliefs early on in a relationship is very important and you can learn how to be assertive here: Learn to Be Assertive and Speak Your Truth
Abuse
It is impossible to have any form of relationship with an abuser. Victims formed something called trauma bombs with people who abuse them. Victims do stay with their abusers sometimes, but when you get tired of the abuse, it's time to leave. Abuse in any form is a deal breaker no matter what. It is very rare that an abuser stops the abuse and changes. Don't let anyone convince you that you are required to stay with an abuser. You don't owe them anything because abuse and any form is an immediate deal breaker. Toxic relationships caused by abuse can happen to anyone, so don’t feel like it’s your fault if it happens to you. Find out why toxic relationships happen here: Why Relationships That Are Toxic Happen
No Respect
Respect is very important in relationships. As a matter of fact, if one partner doesn't respect another, it might be a deal breaker. Respect means that somebody listens to what you say, cares about your feelings, and is considerate of you. Respect also means valuing someone's boundaries and needs. If one or both people don't respect one another in the relationship, it can be a major deal breaker. Realizing that your partner deserves just as much respect as you as the first step in being respectful in a relationship. Listening is another way to show respect. Learn all about how to listen well here: How to Become Great at Listening
One Gives, One Takes
If all you do is give and all your partner does is take, eventually you're going to get tired of that. Sharing is very important no matter what kind of a relationship you have. If all you do is accommodate your partner's time, but your schedule is meaningless to them, it might be a deal breaker for you. If you pay for everything even though your partner has enough money, that could be a deal breaker for you. If sex is always on your partner's terms and they don't care about what your desires are, that might be a deal breaker for you. Reciprocity is very important in relationships and without it, the relationship may be over. Learn to be confident enough to ask for what you deserve in a relationship. Find out how here: Being Confident and Improving Your Self Esteem
Boundaries Are Pushed
If you tell your partner that you have to be to sleep by a certain time to get up for work, and they try to keep you up every night, it might be a deal breaker. They are not respecting your boundaries and that's not okay. What are your partner's boundaries? Do they have a boundary that you don't understand and you think it's unreasonable? If you respect it anyways, they will feel more comfortable with you and want to stay with you longer. So respect your partner's boundaries, your relationship may depend on it. Learn to enforce your boundaries by saying NO! Learn the power of saying no here: How to Say No: Reclaim Your Power
Financial Woes
When one partner works and the other doesn't but they spend a lot of money, it can create tension in the relationship. Even if you both work, disagreements about money can break people apart. If one partner wants to save money to buy a house and the other wants to spend a lot of money on something like collectibles, it might be a deal breaker. How you and your significant other live depends on your money. It depends on the quality of life you have based on the clothes, food, housing, transportation, and medicine you have. If someone feels that their partner is compromising their quality of life financially, it might be a deal breaker. To avoid this, collaborate on money and compromise if you have to. Your relationship may be worth it. Say yes to working together on finances and learn the power of saying yes here: The Magical Things That Happen When You Say Yes
Different Goals
Where do you want to go in your life? Do you want to have children but your partner doesn't? It might be a deal breaker. Are you working on your education but your partner does not understand why an education is important? That might break you apart. Do you want to spend a lot of time with family that your partner wants nothing to do with your family? That might break you up. When you're a couple, you're supposed to be a team, building a life together. If you can't do that because your goals and life are different, it might break you apart. It's fair to say that no two people are exactly alike, but if you can focus on the goals that you share in common, you may be able to work out differences. You may be with your soulmate, even if you want a few different things in life. Read about soulmates here: What’s a Soulmate/How Do You Find Them? | SpiritualBlossom
Am I Being Unreasonable?
Is it unreasonable to say something is a deal breaker? Some people say yes, but is it? Psychology Today shared some surprising facts about deal breakers. Most people they spoke with listed multiple different things they said are deal breakers. They also did an experiment and found out that people feel that things that can break you up matter more than positive things that could keep you together. Since pretty much everybody they talked to listed deal breakers, it’s fair to say, most everybody in general won’t stick around for just anything. Deal breakers affect everybody. So, you are not a heartless, unreasonable individual if you simply can’t live with something someone else is doing. Don’t let someone convince you that you are unreasonable. Read more from Psychology Today here: The Top 10 Relationship Deal Breakers | Psychology Today
Can You Work Things Out?
Whether a deal breaker tears you apart depends on the two of you. Deal breakers break people up when there is no flexibility from the person doing what is a problem. Oftentimes, the person doing what is breaking things apart will shift responsibility for the person who is on edge, blaming them for “causing a problem.” When someone can’t think of their partner, and puts their own desires above a partner’s needs, there is little chance things can be worked out. If snakes terrify you, living with someone who owns exotic snakes might be impossible. However, if your significant other who loves snakes can own some other kind of animal that you can both live with, you can probably work things out. So, maybe you can work through things, and maybe you can’t.
One question to ask yourself when you don't know if you can work things out is whether the problem is bigger or your relationship is more important. Every relationship has problems and struggles. Sometimes a problem is new and you just haven't found a solution yet. It's okay to worry and be afraid that things might not work out. If you and your partner are truly in love, and you both commit to work through whatever problems you may have, chances are nothing will ever break you apart.
Deal breakers are those nasty things in our relationships that threaten to break us apart forever. Common deal breakers are differences in beliefs, financial problems, and infidelity. Some people say it is unreasonable to break things off, and under no circumstances should that ever happen. However, pretty much everybody agrees certain things are impossible to live with, so don’t let anybody tell you that you’re unreasonable for leaving because of a deal breaker. Relationships are supposed to make our lives better, not worse. If a deal breaker wrecks your relationship, you might be better moving on alone.
Is there something going on in your relationship and you don't know whether it's a deal breaker or not? You're not alone. Reach out to one of our psychics today to find out if anything can be done to help you stay together.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
