Learn exactly what breadcrumbing is, the signs it’s happening, and what to do about it when you find out someone is breadcrumbing you.
People talk about breadcrumbing a lot as if it's the worst thing in the world. When someone is breadcrumbing you it can leave you wondering if they're interested or not. One minute they give you their undivided attention, and next they disappear for days. Join SpiritualBlossom to find out exactly what breadcrumbing is. Find out why people breadcrumb and some signs that it's happening to you. The wonderful thing about breadcrumbing is it's easy to detect. When you realize someone is breadcrumbing you don't have to sit by and tolerate it. Read on to find out what you can do about breadcrumbing and leave being strung along in the past.
What is Breadcrumbing?
Breadcrumbing is a manipulation tactic. People use this when they want to keep you interested, but they don't want to bother to reciprocate by giving you the attention that you deserve. They will give you small amounts of attention to make you feel like they're pursuing a relationship with you, but they don't actually participate because they're too busy disappearing. People who breadcrumb aren't interested in a commitment, but they want to keep you on the hook just in case they want something from you. It can happen when we first meet someone, but it does happen in long-term relationships too. Sometimes when people first become involved with you they will give you a lot of attention and then just gradually starve you emotionally and give you less and less attention as time goes on. Other times, they just give little bits of attention and never give you more.
The person doing the breadcrumbing benefits by making their unsuspecting victim hang on, hoping for more attention. However, people who breadcrumb never give the amount of attention that other people want. If you're not available when your breadcrumber wants you though, they may become very upset and accuse you of neglecting them. Any form of relationship that you have with a breadcrumber is going to be a one sided relationship. You will give, and they will take. They will do the minimum amount that they can to keep you right where they want you. It can be very confusing when someone breadcrumbs because sometimes they act interested and sometimes they don't. Some people say that it is better to be alone than to feel lonely in a relationship with a breadcrumber. Learn about the joys of alone time here: Embracing the Joy of Solitary Time
Why Do People Breadcrumb?
Breadcrumbing is awful, so why do people do it? The main reason they breadcrumb is because they can. People tolerate their selfishness and unwillingness to give in a relationship. Breadcrumbers are very good at identifying people who they can easily manipulate. They might start new relationships often so that they don't have to feel tied down by committing to a long-term relationship with someone, however they don't want to be alone. Breadcrumbers can't breadcrumb you if you don't let them, and they know that. So they give you just enough attention to keep you from dumping them.
Some people believe that being in a long-term committed relationship is like a prison and they breadcrumb so they can feel free. Some people's breadcrumb because they want to be involved with multiple people at once and they don't want anyone to know it. Some people breadcrumb because they have emotional problems, and it is impossible for them to be emotionally intimate with someone. Some people breadcrumb while they are getting to know someone new because they don't feel the responsibility to people that they have not known for a long time. Whatever their motivation for breadcrumbing is, they do it for themselves and don't have any concern for other people's feelings. Being breadcrumbed can really hurt your feelings, but you can find out what to do about being hurt here: Controlling Emotions When You’re Hurt
Signs of Breadcrumbing
The great thing about breadcrumbers is they easily identify themselves with their behavior. They are emotionally unavailable and secretive of the fact that they're spending time with you. They give mixed signals, seeming interested one minute and not interested the next. They don't talk about serious topics and act like they just want to have fun and shallow conversations. A lot of times, all they want is sex. They will flirt but won't follow through with making plans to get together and they will disappear altogether. Conversations about serious things, especially asking them if they will have a relationship with you, upsets them, and they genuinely don't care about your feelings.
Emotional Unavailability
If you're having a bad day, don't call a breadcrumber. They can't be bothered with dealing with other people's feelings. They also don't want to discuss their own feelings for you- because they don’t have any for you. They will be happy to set up their own personal boundaries, and for a breadcrumber that is mainly them letting you know that they're not emotionally available to you, but they will expect you to be available to them at all times whenever they call. They might not even pay attention to what you're saying to them because they're so busy thinking of what they can get from you. Being a good listener is important to relationships and you can learn how to do that here: How to Become Great at Listening
Secrecy
Breadcrumbers are really serious about secrecy. They don't give a lot of details about themselves because they don't consider themselves in a relationship with you. You are not actually a part of their life even if they say you are and quite often they won't want you to tell them much about yourself either. A lot of times they don't want anyone to know that they are spending time with you so they will tell you to keep your relationship with them a secret. A lot of times they won't want you around the other people who they know. Sometimes this is because they are stringing other love interests along and they don't want any of you to know about one another.
Mixed Signals
Breadcrumbers will confuse you. Since they are so selfish with how much they communicate with you, you might wonder if they're interested at all. You might go days or even weeks without hearing from them, and all of the sudden out of the blue they really want to talk to you or get together. When this happens consistently, it can make you wonder what on earth they're trying to tell you. They are basically telling you that they don't value you enough to be in touch with you regularly or build a solid relationship. One Zodiac sign that is very good about being upfront about the the way they feel about you is Virgo and you can read about that Zodiac sign here: Virgo Traits and Love Compatibility
Shallow Conversations
People who breadcrumb don't like to discuss the future, their emotions, your emotions, or relationships. This is because they don't want to be emotionally involved with you. They will discuss things like having fun, how busy they are and the fact that they're busy makes it impossible for them to commit to spending more time with you. They will talk about how great they think they are. Someone who has deep conversations about how much they like you, the ways that they're going to include you in their life, and building a future together will not breadcrumb you.
All They Want is Sex
Some people genuinely don't want a personal relationship with you. They just want you to have sex with them. If that's all that both of you want, that's wonderful. However, if you want a committed relationship that involves more than sex, you will have to find that with someone who is not breadcrumbing you. If someone just comes around for sex and can't be bothered with anything else, wake up. You are being breadcrumbed. Be confident enough to tell breadcrumbers you don’t need them. Learn how here: Being Confident and Improving Your Self Esteem
They Don’t Follow Through
It can be fun to flirt, but some people flirt just for fun and have no intention of spending time with someone they're flirting with. If they act interested but won't make plans to get together with you, they are bread crumbing you. Some people call this fake flirting, and fake flirting happens for a number of reasons. Some people will fake flirt just to see if you're interested so they can give themselves an ego boost. Other people fake flirt to make you available for them in case they decide they want something from you. If they're flirting but getting together isn't happening, they are breadcrumbers.
Communication is Inconsistent
One of the number one signs that someone is breadcrumbing you is that communication with them is inconsistent. Sometimes they will talk to you, and sometimes, they won't. That is because they only reach out when they want something. It can be difficult to get a hold of them yourself, and they want to control the communications. They might even spend a lot of time with you, making you feel like you are the most important person in their lives, and then sometimes they don't talk to you for a very long time. They're not good communicators aren't they? Libras can be great communicators, and you can learn more about that Zodiac sign here: Libra Traits and Love Compatibility
They Disappear
Beyond inconsistent communications, breadcrumbers are famous for disappearing completely from your life. That's because they only come around when they want something. Once they get what they want, they disappear, nowhere to be found. If you want to see someone who breadcrumbs you again, all you have to do is wait until they want something else and then they will materialize out of thin air. If you get sick of a breadcrumber doing this, all you have to do is refuse to give them what they want, and eventually you'll stop hearing from them entirely.
Serious Discussions Upset Them
A sure sign you are involved with a breadcrumber is to try and have a serious conversation with them. Try to discuss where they feel your relationship is going and it will upset them. Try to find out if they want a long-term commitment and they will get very upset. Ask them where they see themselves years down the road, and they might accuse you of invading their privacy. One thing that will upset them the most is if you try to discuss getting them to help you with something when you are in need. They will not appreciate you assuming that they care about you or can be reliable. One Zodiac sign known for being reliable to the people they love is Cancer and you can read more about that Zodiac sign here: Cancer Zodiac Traits and Love Compatibility
They Don’t Care
Don’t be surprised when you realize that people who breadcrumb do not care about the people who they do it to. They don't care that their emotional selfishness hurts your feelings and they don't care that they confuse you. All they know is what they want. When what they want conflicts with the feelings and rights of others, breadcrumbers don't care. All they care about is getting what they want from you. They want you to be committed to them but they won't be committed to you because they don't care.
What to Do About Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing happens but that doesn't mean that you have to stand for it. Don't participate in breadcrumbing and know that you're worth more. Speak up when it's happening, and set healthy boundaries.
Don’t Do it
Nobody can breadcrumb you if you don't let them. When you realize someone is breadcrumbing you, don't give them anything they want. Ignore them more than they ignore you and refuse to answer their calls or get together with them. Eventually they will have to move on and breadcrumb somebody else. Focus your energy on people who want real relationships with you instead of selfish breadcrumbers.
Know Your Worth
Maybe you think this breadcrumber is attractive, but guess what? So are you. There is nobody on earth who is so attractive that they should mistreat other people. You will never need someone's attention so much that you should stand for not being valued. You deserve love, respect, courtesy and real relationships.
Have Your Say
It might make you feel better to tell your breadcrumber off. Speaking up and telling them that you are fully aware that they are just stringing you along to see what they can get from you and they don't care about your feelings might feel good. It might also feel good to tell them that they are not worth your time and that you want them to just leave you alone. Say whatever makes you feel better. They deserve to be told off.
Set Boundaries
Don't let people take things from you that they are not prepared to give. If they aren't available to talk to you or spend time with you, tell them no when they want something from you. There are plenty of good people who love you and want to spend time with you. Spend time with them instead of breadcrumbers.
People breadcrumb so that they can get things from other people who they have no intention of having a relationship with. It's nothing personal. They will do it to anyone. Signs that it's happening to you is someone is inconsistent in communicating with you, all they want is sex, they flirt and never get together with you, and they're emotionally unavailable. You don't have to stand for breadcrumbing. Don't allow it, tell them off if you want, and set healthy boundaries. Just because breadcrumbers exist doesn't mean you have to tolerate their behavior. You deserve better.
Do you think that maybe someone who you just met is breadcrumbing you but you're not sure? Reach out to one of our psychics any time any day to find out what's going on in your love life.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for The Green Egg Magazine and PaganPages.Org emag.
