A lot of people take great pride in being radically independent, but it’s not sustainable forever. Find out why radical independence is a problem, why you can’t do everything on your own, and how to ask for help when you hate doing it.
Radically independent people seem to be the go-getters in the world. They seem like people who can dream any dream, and make that dream come true. They seem to be the people who are instrumental in making great things happen for other people, and they are the envy of many. Unfortunately, radical independence is not a good thing. Join SpiritualBlossom to discover the problems being radically independent create, find out why it happens, and what to do about it. You may have spent your life counting on only yourself. Let’s change that today. Read on to find out how.
What is Radical Independence?
Radical independence is an illusion. It is based on the belief that you can become so capable that you never need anything from anybody. It manifests as staying out of close relationships, or finding ways to compromise them so you don't get stuck. It also manifests as working extra hard so you don't need anyone to share expenses with you. Radically independent people typically become overachievers. They set better goals, and succeed better than most people. The truth is, nobody is capable of never needing help with anything at all. One thing that’s true is your ability to realize dreams and you can read about that here: How to Make Your Wish Come True
Radical independence is a trauma response. If you grew up being unable to rely on the people who were supposed to be taking care of you, then you had to take care of yourself as a child. You probably grew up too fast, and you may have even been proud of that. Radical independence makes you want to push other people away who try to help you. It can lead you to deny the fact that you need help with anything at all. Learning that your needs would not be met unless you met them yourself can lead to worry everybody will let you down.
Radical independence becomes a toxic habit that leads you to be a lone wolf of sorts, refusing to let other people in. It makes it very difficult to trust people, allow yourself to be vulnerable to them, or get involved in deep relationships. When you're sick, you will need someone to help you, but if you're radically independent, you will often refuse the help. A sense of pride and accomplishment comes with radical independence. However, you can still take pride in accomplishing things even if you get help. One Zodiac sign that loves to help people is Virgo and you can read about them here: Virgo Traits and Love Compatibility
How Independent Are We Really?
Even the most independently functioning people need other people, so we're only so independent at any given time. Even if you earn all your own money and completely support yourself, you can't do everything by yourself. For example, you might pay for your own groceries and cook all your own food, but you did not raise and butcher the meat that you eat. You also didn't grow all the vegetables and fruits that you eat and buy at the store. Other people have to harvest the food, package it, and ship it to the grocery store so that you can buy it. Even after that, people have to stock the shelves of the grocery and be on hand to sell you the food before you can take it home. So we don't even really feed ourselves in a way.
There are things we do all by ourselves, of course. Most people walk unassisted, drive themselves places without help, and earn their own money. You might even live alone, preferring to stay single instead of dating someone. You can make your own doctor's appointments, pick up your own prescriptions, and even take care of your own garden instead of paying someone to do it for you. That doesn't mean that you do everything in life all by yourself. The work you do requires a team of people. Even if you are an independent contractor, you require clients to earn money. We actually need each other for quite a lot. Are you happier single? Find out here: Happy Singles - Is Being Single Better?
Problems with Radical Independence
If you learned to be radically independent because of necessity, you might think that there are no problems with being radically independent, but there are. The first thing that happens to you is work will take advantage of your radical independence, and exhaust you without fair compensation. You will avoid most relationships, but the relationships that you do accept will suffer. You can experience crippling loneliness, and you won't accept help from people when you need it.
Work Takes Advantage
Becoming an overachieving self starter who works well on your own has some definite perks. You don't have to worry about being let down by lazy team members because you will be able to do all your work by yourself. You will find yourself in the driver's seat of your career, achieving one promotion after another. You will also be eligible for management and trainer positions, which pays better. Unfortunately, being that hard of a worker means that predatory employers will dump more than a fair share of work on you, and then think nothing of dumping even more work on you. Unethical employers love to take advantage of people who are dying to show what great independent hard workers they are.
You will notice coworkers getting paid the same as you or more who have to do less work, because your boss can't manipulate them into it. You will pick up the slack for the lazy coworkers and you might not get the appreciation that you deserve. You will be asked to forgo vacations, work extra long hours, and take the least desirable work because other employees will refuse to do it. However, your radical independence will drive you to want to do everything you're asked because it makes you feel so powerfully independent that you don't need anybody. Don't let yourself be taken advantage of at work.
You Shun Relationships
To be fair, not everyone who says they want a relationship with you deserves it. On the other hand, being radically independent makes you suspicious of people to the point of paranoia sometimes. You can push away well-meaning people when you try to shield yourself from being let down. Just remember, you might have been let down growing up. That's not your fault. The only people at fault for that are the ones who did that to you. Strangers who you have not met yet are not responsible for what those people did. So, do yourself a favor and give people a chance. You might meet the love of your life that way. Here are some signs a man is a keeper: Is He the One? Find Out if He’s Mr. Right
The Relationships You Accept Suffer
If you spend your life being suspicious that everyone will let you down and believing that you cannot count on anyone, the people who you allow around you will have to deal with that attitude every day that they're with you. You will have a hard time emotionally attaching to people and you might find yourself cutting off relationships over trivial matters. If your radical independence makes you want to self isolate, cutting off a relationship can feel like a big relief. That way you won't be afraid anymore that this person who says they love you might let you down. So, you break things off before they get a chance to.
You Are Lonely
Loneliness might not be something you worry about when you are avoiding people so nobody disappoints you. However, loneliness, especially over a long period of time, can be detrimental to your health. Loneliness isn’t just an emotional feeling. It is a physical thing that can become a health crisis. Loneliness can lead to depression, anxiety, stress, and even cardiovascular issues. If you become isolated, you may need lifesaving help, but have no way to get it. Don’t let radical independence isolate you to the point that it’s dangerous. Read more from the CDC about the dangers of loneliness here: Health Effects of Social Isolation and Loneliness | Social Connection | CDC
You Won’t Accept Help
A sense of pride can come with radical independence. Sometimes, this pride goes too far and keeps you from accepting help when you need it. If you broke your leg, and need to scrape the ice off your walkway, you might refuse to ask a neighbor for help. That's dangerous because if you fall on the ice, you could reinjure your leg while it's trying to heal. Radical independence can lead you to not speaking up when you're confused in class. This can compromise your grade if you won't ask your teacher to explain something that you don't understand. Radical independence can also make it difficult for you to accept help when it's been offered, because you feel embarrassed that you need help. Never let radical independence hold you back from getting the help you need.
How to Ask for Help
Everybody needs help sometimes, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s difficult to ask for and even harder to accept when you learned radical independence out of necessity. You can learn to ask for help and accept it in five easy steps, though. The first step is acceptance, and the second step is unlearning the bad habit of refusing to ask for help. That helps if you choose your helpers wisely and then express appreciation for all they do. Just make sure to reciprocate, and that way not only does it build relationships, but it reminds you that even though you need people, people really need you too.
Accept You Need It
The first step to learning to ask for help and accept it as a radically independent person is to accept that sometimes you need help. None of us can avoid that. There are people who need you every day and there are going to be things that you need people for, maybe not every day, but probably at least every other day. Needing help as an inescapable part of being human. It might be uncomfortable and inconvenient as well as time consuming, but it's just part of being a person. Just accept it. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can move forward with asking for and accepting help when you need it. One thing you don’t need is to be overly selfless and you can find out why here: The Case Against Being Selfless
Unlearn Bad Habits
Learning to ask for and accept help when you've never done it as a new habit that you will need to learn. The first thing you're going to have to do is unlearn the bad habit of refusing to admit that you need help sometimes. Pretending that you are completely independent can be addictive. The sense of freedom that not having to worry someone might let you down feels very good. You're going to have to let go of that feeling and allow yourself to be vulnerable to other people sometimes. Anytime you learn a new habit, you have to unlearn a bad habit first, and then replace it with a good habit.
Choose Your Helpers Wisely
One very important part of succeeding as someone who learns to accept help is to identify the people who you can trust and to ask for help from them. Let's face it, not everybody can be trusted, and that's probably how you became radically independent to begin with. It is not necessary to completely forgive the people who let you down before you accept the fact that they were wrong. Just give new people a chance to prove themselves trustworthy, and once you know you can trust them, ask them for help. Some of the greatest helpers we have in life are our pets. Learn how to speak their language here: Is Your Dog Taking? Communicating with Animals
Be Appreciative
Instead of being angry that you need help, be grateful for the fact that you were able to trust somebody enough to accept help from them to begin with. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty for not being completely independent, and. Don't resent people that you need to lean on. Be thankful for them. Maybe letting go of resentment of the fact that you need help sometimes is another habit that you have to unlearn, So while you're unlearning that, learn to be appreciative of the help that you get.
Reciprocate
Enough cannot be said about how much we need other people. Enough cannot be said about how much people need us, too. We are all in this together. There are plenty of things that we can do by ourselves, but there are a lot of things that we can't. People need your dedication, your work ethic, and the fact that you have learned to be more trustworthy than the people who you could not trust. So, make sure to help the people who helped you also. Never take more than you give to a Libra because they love balance in relationships. Read more about Libra here: Libra Traits and Love Compatibility
Radical independence is the illusion that we can do everything for ourselves. Chances are, if you became radically independent, it's because when you were growing up, somebody let you down. So, you became your own savior, your own hero, and your own best friend. Don't let other people's failures define you, and don't let it make you refuse help when you need it. Unlearn radical independence and learn how to ask for help and accept it. Thank goodness for the people who love us and who we can trust!
Don't hesitate to reach out to a psychic anytime you want to talk about past trauma. We are here any day and anytime for you.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for PaganPages.Org emag and Green Egg Magazine.
