Some people naturally set healthy boundaries in their relationships, but not everybody knows how. Learn how to set boundaries in your relationships the easy way and make sure they don’t get crossed.
Every relationship is between people who share things. We share our secrets, resources, and most of all, we share our time with each other. Who would think that we need time and separation of things from someone we love? Smart people who understand that boundaries are healthy are who. Join SpiritualBlossom to find out all about boundaries. Find out what they are and why every relationship needs them. Find out why it can be difficult to set boundaries and what happens if a necessary boundary upsets someone you love. Then, find out how to set healthy boundaries. Your relationships are worth safeguarding with all the right things including boundaries. Read on to find out how to make them work for you.
What’s a Boundary?
Boundaries are those things we do that separate our privacy from other people. We let people know what we're comfortable with and what we have no tolerance for. Boundaries express what we welcome into our lives and how much privacy we want. Boundaries also let people know how much time we want to spend with them and how much we want to be on our own. Boundaries express what things we're comfortable with listening to and what things we find acceptable. They also let people know what our needs and expectations are.
We don't just set boundaries with the people who are strangers, but also with the people who we know. Our friends and family need to know what our boundaries are so that they understand our availability and what we're comfortable with. Peers in the career world need to know how we balance our work time with our personal time away from work. Your romantic partner will need to know what you're comfortable with sexually and how much time you want them to spend with you. When we're parents, we let our kids know how much time we need away from them and as adults, we let our parents know what our boundaries are. Boundaries are just limitations that make sure that we're comfortable and improve relationships and communications with everybody. We can even set boundaries with pets, but how can you communicate with them? Find out here: Is Your Dog Taking? Communicating with Animals
Why We Need Boundaries
Why do we even do boundaries to begin with? We need boundaries because they make everything better. They establish your independence and they make sure that everybody understands the boundaries and what you need. All of this makes every relationship that you have better.
They Establish Independence
No matter how many people we have in our lives, each of us are individuals and we need some things for ourselves. We have to let people know how much time we need alone, how many things we need to set aside for ourselves, and what things we're not comfortable with. If you are in a relationship with a significant other, you won't want to be attached at the hip with them 24/7. You will make time out with your friends and family and time by yourself. If you're a parent, you will want time to shower and rest on your own without the kids following you everywhere. Boundaries help to keep us stable as independent people.
So Everyone Understands
Setting boundaries lets everybody know what you're comfortable with and what's acceptable. Some things are just common courtesy, but they say that common sense is not so common. Some people genuinely don't understand that it's not okay for them to call you while you're sleeping. Some people genuinely don't understand that you need some time to yourself. Some people genuinely don't understand that some things that you own belong to you and no matter how much you love them, they can't have it. If you don't tell people what your boundaries are, they won't know. You can set up boundaries on a psychic level too. Learn how here: Protection Spell Magic 101- Psychic Self-Defense
They Make Relationships Better
When you respect yourself enough to set things aside for yourself by drawing boundaries, the number one relationship that improves is the relationship with yourself. When you're taking proper care of yourself, you understand that you don't need self-centered people who use you in your life. You're able to assert your independence to people when you first meet them, and that means that the right people will include themselves in your life instead of the wrong people. Setting boundaries will let the people who love you know what to expect, and it will make your relationships more comfortable and long lasting. Communicating boundaries is just another type of good communication, and the better you communicate, the better your relationships will be.
Why Boundaries Are Hard
Boundaries are difficult for a few reasons. First, When we really love someone, we don't like the idea of separating anything from them. Especially with partners, what's yours is theirs and what's theirs is yours, or is it? It really isn't. Some couples might share the same toothpaste and bar of soap, but not everyone is comfortable with that. Some couples need their alone time from everyone, including one another and some couples need privacy doing things like showering, shaving or trimming their toenails, and even getting dressed. Accepting that you need things to yourself will make establishing boundaries easier. A healthy sense of self-preservation can help you establish boundaries. Find out about that here: The Case for Self-Preserving
Setting boundaries can be hard if you were raised by someone who didn't allow boundaries. Toxic households can take advantage of children and make them responsible for the adults well-being in the family. If you were raised this way, you might feel too guilty to assert boundaries in a relationship once you grow up and move out. You may have never had anything for yourself, and were raised by codependent people and became codependent yourself. If this is all you know, learning to assert independence can be very difficult.
Asserting boundaries can be very difficult with people who fight you about them. People in relationships with us sometimes want different things than we're comfortable with giving them. If you're in an amateur athletic league, you need time to practice with the team. If your new partner doesn't understand, they might demand that you give up the league. Your partner might not want to do their share taking care of the kids and expects you to do all the child rearing. When you expect them to step up, they may fight you. When you first move out of the house as a young adult, your parents might have trouble accepting the fact that you're not a child anymore. People fighting you when you are trying to establish boundaries is just another reason that boundaries can be difficult. People who want to be toxic often refuse your boundaries but you don’t have to stand for it. Find out what to do about toxic relationships here: Why Relationships That Are Toxic Happen
What If Boundaries Upset People?
What if setting boundaries upset somebody? Then you have a choice to make. You either stick to the boundary or you don't. When you tell your kids they can't hang out at their friend's house until they finish with their homework, what if they throw a fit because it upsets them? You really should stick with that boundary so that the kids get good grades and learn in school. That's not an unreasonable boundary. If you've made an unreasonable boundary, you need to reassess it though. It probably isn't fair that your 21 year old who lives at home and pays their share of the bills has the same curfew as their 12 year old sibling.
Some people get upset just because you've established a reasonable boundary though. Fighting you is one way for them to assert their dominance. Reasonable people understand and respect reasonable boundaries because they want you to respect boundaries that they have. Unreasonable self-centered people fight you on boundaries because they want to take advantage of you. Your cousin who refuses to work might demand that you give them money on a regular basis. No means no. It might be easier to give in so that someone stops complaining about your boundary, but reasonable boundaries are worth tolerating the complaints. You might have become addicted to saying yes to people to appease them but you can kick an addiction to anything. Find out how here: The Complete Guide to Kicking Addictions
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
Even if you've never set healthy boundaries before, you can start now. There are just a few things to keep in mind when you're establishing the boundaries. Some people say just do it, but it's not always that easy. From being fair to everyone, including yourself to deciding what's most important and rejecting fear, you can start establishing healthy boundaries immediately. Read on to find out how.
Be Fair to Everyone
Sometimes, boundaries only affect you and one other person, but sometimes they affect multiple people. If you're setting boundaries for chores in the household, all adults and children are affected. If one child doesn't want to do their chores, it's not fair to the rest of the kids. So, that kid can scream and pitch as many fits as they want to, but if your boundary is fair to everyone, including them, the boundary stands. Being fair will make it easier for you to set a boundary.
Decide What’s Important
Boundaries are set based on what's most important. If you and your spouse work different shifts and have bad backs, sleeping in separate beds may be the boundary that you set. There may have been a time when you were younger and you worked the same schedule that you would cuddle all night, but it's not a good idea anymore. Getting proper sleep is most important. Your supervisor might constantly ask you to pick up extra shifts, but they don't ask other people. When you pick up extra shifts, it cuts into time with your family. Strengthen your backbone and tell them no after you've done your fair share. Time with your family is more important than appeasing an unfair supervisor. Speaking of sleep, read our dream meaning guides here: A-Z Dream Meanings Glossary
Decide What’s Needed
After you decide what's important, you need to decide what's necessary. For the chores, deciding each chore that needs done will help you to set the boundaries. When you are deciding how much overtime you will do, deciding how much time you need with your family will help you to decide what boundary to set with that. Sometimes. What you want is just as important as what somebody else says they want. So, what you need to do is think about yourself sometimes. You need, most of all, to watch out for yourself, especially when other people are being selfish.
Include Everybody
If you include everyone who is involved in the boundaries and explaining what those are, that's a big help. Talking to your coworkers about all this extra time they're taking off without arranging coverage will help them to understand that you're not going to stand in for them like you used to. All of them have families who they want to spend time with. They will understand that you want to also. They might not agree that they should do their fair share, but if they know what to expect, they will be able to respect the boundary even if they don't like it. Leadership skills can help you set boundaries. Learn some here: Essential Skills for Today’s Leaders
Don’t Be Afraid
Don't be afraid to assert a boundary. There's nothing wrong with them. Don't be afraid if someone throws a fit. It's not their place to demand that a reasonable boundary be removed. Don't be afraid to think about yourself, especially when other people are trying to use you. Some people genuinely don't understand that they're crossing a boundary and they will immediately stop doing it once you explain it to them. The people who are not understanding of a reasonable boundary really aren't scary at all. They are struggling with being fair and reasonable people and focusing on themselves should be their number one priority instead of fighting boundaries.
Be Consistent
Consistently showing people that you expect your boundaries to be respected will get the message across. If you let people cross your boundaries, your needs are not going to be met. So, enforce those boundaries and keep it up. Pretty soon people will understand.
A Last Word
There will be people who you share life with who will immediately understand and respect the boundaries that you set. They will be compliant because they will appreciate it if you respect boundaries that they have. They understand that it is only reasonable for everyone to have boundaries. If you have spent your life setting no boundaries because you can't handle people being upset with you, or you've been taught from a young age that you're not allowed to say no, now is the time to start. Everything in life changes. Everybody changes. If you're someone who does not set boundaries but you need to, you can change and start setting boundaries today.
You do not deserve to feel guilty because you set a reasonable boundary. You do not deserve to feel guilty because you have needs. You do not deserve to feel guilty because you know what makes you comfortable. You do not deserve to have to compromise yourself because somebody else wants you to. If you need permission to set a boundary, accept it now. The only person who needs to approve of the boundaries that you set is you. Set boundaries the easy way by identifying them to people, including everybody in discussions, and then consistently enforcing them. Get started setting those boundaries today. It’s time.
Would you like some help setting boundaries with people who are being unreasonable? Get a reading started with one of our psychics to find out how today.
About the Author: Lady Saoirse has studied magic and lore for most of her life but started walking her own Magical Path after being spiritually reborn in the desert. Today she is a High Priestess for The Temple of the Goddess, she is a psychic advisor and spiritual counselor, she shares her gifts as a Psychic and Content Writer for Mysticsense and SpiritualBlossom, and she writes for PaganPages.Org emag and Green Egg Magazine.
